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dude no way man NO. WAY
Knockout
releasethebogus
*Macho's curled up in bed, updating via iPhone with the covers pulled up over his head. There are some Snickers wrappers scattered about; he hasn't taken his loss very well.*

Dudes. Hey, dudes. This is like, a really bad dream right? I really won that match with Soda, and I don't have bruises all over my face, and all these people around my crib are really just there to give me champagne and cake instead of yelling HEY MACHO MAN YOU LOSER HOW COULD YOU LET US DOWN LIKE THAT and oh my god my jaw hurts so much

Seriously this is...like...my first loss since Sandman! SANDMAN! And I mean, I didn't really mind that much 'cause he's Sandman for god's sake (plus he's from Philly, whoo cheesesteak), but Soda Popinski? I didn't think that lush had it in him!

Oh man, oh man...I'm gonna have to declare one hell of a rematch, or else my career's gonna go down the toilet! I'm gonna have to like...do exercise videos or become a personal trainer! Wh-what if nobody hires me and I gotta be one of those washed-up bodybuilders who has to let creepy guys touch my muscles for money?! I can't handle it man, I can't!

...I guess I'd better get out of bed and start training...

...ugh...

*hits "post," sighs, and starts on another Snickers bar*

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How terribly awful!

I suppose I can understand your distress especially given the damage to your face. Simply ghastly! But honestly, now. It doesn't help much to simply sulk about like a brooding child, does it?

Not to mention the press tends to make more assumptions after things like this when they don't see you than when they do...

Yeah...yeah, good point, man. I just gotta bounce back, that's all!

So, uh...you got any tips for gettin' bruises out of your face? (maybe I oughta go get some concealer or somethin'...it'll be the first time it's not a makeup artist doin' it for me.)

Hmm.
Well, a good skin cream with Vitamin K should work well. I find taking Bioflavonoid supplements is also helpful.

Though, er...concealer works as a temporary solution. N-not that I use it very often...! Ahaha...

(A couple knocks ratta-tat-tat from the other side of Macho Man's door, only for it to be opened regardless so Don Flamenco can make his way in to Macho's bedroom with a toothy grin. He doesn't enter the room so much as he one-man tangos into the room.)

"¿Qué tal, amigo Macho? I am inviting myself into your abode once more!"

(His dance ends and his smile fades as his eyes look around the room.) "Ai, madre, what has happened here? I see a lump on amigo Macho's bed, but I see no amigo Macho! I do have the right house, don't I?"

*lets out a low groan as the lump on his bed shifts and Macho, still bruised and in a bad mood, peers out from under the covers.*

Aw, Donnie...dude, how'd you get in here past all the crowds? The camera crews 'n' stuff finally gone? *gets out from under the covers* Man, I feel like a wreck...probably look like one too...

(Flamenco smirks again and strikes a pose with a flourish.) "Do you deny the talents of Don Flamenco? The crowd was no match for my magnifence! Where I stepped, man and woman alike fell swooning at my feet!"

(When Macho Man doesn't smile, Don sidles up next to Macho on the bed. He leans into him, putting an arm on his shoulders with a reassuring pat.) "I joke. The prying eyes of the public have turned. For now, it is only me and you, amigo Macho."

*heaves a sigh* Thank God, man. That's the good part about how quickly stuff moves in Hollywood, I guess. *leans (more like slumps) back against him*

Dude...what happened out there? Musta been all those burgers...I probably shouldn't have camped out there for like, days. Ugh, do you think Soda's gonna rank up now? Take my #1 spot and everything?

(Don swiftly stands tall in front of Macho Man, with his hands on his hips and glaring directly down at him.) "Do you hear yourself speak?! Questioning yourself and worrying! Is this the man I met so many years ago? Where is your confidence? Where is your red-hot emotion? Where is the love for life itself?" (He picks up a stray Snickers wrapper and throws it to the side with disgust.) "The Macho Man I used to know would never lock himself in his room, gorging on...candy!"

(Don reaches into his back pocket and pulls out a small, thin picture. He looks at it with a cocky smirk, glancing over it at Macho Man.) "Unless, that is, you'd rather keep on your current path? I have with me a look into the future, amigo Macho. Your future."

(He casually flicks the picture with ninja-like accuracy into Macho Man's lap, staring up at him, into the face. Staring. Staring.)


JESUS CHRIST, DUDE! What's the matter with you?! *picks up the picture by the corner, full of disgust* What's the big deal, showin' me this crap...this...

This...

Oh my god...



You're right, dude. You've always been there for me, man! I'm not gonna let you down, I'm not gonna go without a fight, and I'm NOT gonna let myself turn into that creepy old has-been who doesn't do anything but eat chocolate bars all the damn time!

I'm still on top! And I'm gonna STAY on top, man! YEAH! YEAHHH! YEAHHHH!!

*throws the window to his bedroom open and grabs a massive shopping bag full of Snickers bars, dumping them out onto the lawn*

(Flamenco lifts his arms with exuberance!) ¡Permítanos celebrar! ¡Vamanos, amigo Macho! Let us head out into the night and let our passion ride!

(Flamenco glances to the still-open window, the sun shining brightly through in spiteful defiance.)

"It will be night eventually! ¡Venga, venga!"

What a wonderful night to be hiding in Macho Man's front lawn bushes for undisclosed reasons!

Chocolate Bars!

*Meanwhile, at home, Mac is baffled as to why the good-luck picture of himself and Doc he always keeps in his wallet is missing*

ha ha ha it is good to know you can still talk for miles!
be glad I have not strike you too hard on your head or you would be in hospital ha ha ha
drink some of my drink for your health, I have sent a case to your apartment with some aspirin
i love aspirin...

and you want a rematch? already? well for the sake of my motherland and my big paycheck I ACCEPT ALL REMATCH FROM YOU
it will be fun

(Deleted comment)
*newly high on life, Macho throws open the door and nearly trips over Aran's package on the way to his car*

Whoa! What's this doin' here? Better take care of it before we head out...heh, hope it ain't more candy bars!

*drags the box into the foyer and opens it up...*

(Deleted comment)
*SCREAMS*

OW, OW, OW! *starts trying to scrub the dye off* Wh-what the hell, man, and I just got these threads! Not even Soda would do somethin' like this, that's just a dick move!

Wait a second...if it ain't that rat, then it's gotta be...

I'M GONNA GET THAT IRISH PUNK IF IT'S THE LAST THING I DO!!

"¡A-Aaaaaiiii! ¡Quema, quema!"

(Flamenco starts all but clawing at his skin, completely at a loss to assuage the burning sensation upon his skin.) "¡Mis ropas son hermosas ruinas!"

(He leans back and lets loose what can only be described as a roar of battle,) "¡EL DESGRACIADO DEBE MORIR!"

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